Marriage in long lived races and demi-humans in fantasy worlds?

#1
So some of the other sources I sometimes work out data back forth with and input I looked at and gathered in regards to the above topic headline seemed to be writing the idea in that the longer a demi-human or other race lived the less they believed in long term permanent relationships or marriages that lasted. They seemed to be pushing the idea that they would switch off and change partners every 30 years or so, modified by how long the average member of its race lived.
I wanted to post the same thought as a thread here for other readers and royal read people to provide in put on.


I confess that bothered me a lot. I thought it would be the opposite, like the longer they lived the more suseptible they might be to loneliness and needing stability. That their living longer meant they understood life was fragile and that because of it they would cooperate more in stable focused security systems that were permanent.
I'm curious what others would have to say about this. 
Technically its not going to change the story much but it could alter people's perceptions of what the alternate world is like and therefore affect the story that way.
What do you think?
So in the alternate fantasy world the reader is reading about there could be a lot of different races and I'm curious what people think might be their perceptions on their marriage systems; vampires, dragons, orcs, elves, dwarves, beastkin, high humans, humans, other goblinoids such as ogres, sea elves, naga, merfolk, and fae (or fey) are some of the areas where I'd like to gather data.
(I wasn't sure if some people in world building wanted one of the races to be like female only either or appear female only?)

I would hope some of them might have permanent relationship types but there's also the fact that some might have triad marriage systems rather than 2 person marriages to? In addition to above there's also the question of if the marriage is arranged by parents or chosen by themselves, or what not. Like in a nature based society that is more equal would there be more stability and therefore more chance for permanency in family relationship status? 

RE: Marriage in long lived races and demi-humans in fantasy worlds?

#3
I think that with longer-lived races, it would be quite realistic that "permanent" relationships would be unusual, and that this would be reflected in their cultural practices.

People change with time. Expecting a couple to stay together for centuries or millennia as a matter of course would be silly.

I don't mean to say that wouldn't happen, but I think it would make sense that the culture around relationships wouldn't expect it to happen.

People could have temporary marriages or relationships without a ceremony to tie them together, and the relationship would not be considered "failed" once the people decided to part ways. Honestly, that might be healthier for us regular ol' humans as well.

Of course, if you decided to write about a race that had extremely stable and slow-changing personalities, permanent marriage would make perfect sense.

RE: Marriage in long lived races and demi-humans in fantasy worlds?

#5
That's why in most cases in fantasy fiction cultures (the good ones), most people tend to stick with their own race and interracial marriages are uncommon. Elves, for example, were often seen as isolationist, long-lived and xenophobic.
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RE: Marriage in long lived races and demi-humans in fantasy worlds?

#6
everything in life is relative, time included. I don't think this question can be answered anymore than what should a 1,000 year old vampire personality be like? Can he still be comedic or playful or is he devoid of emtions after so many years. We can only guess same with marriage.

I'd say a couple can be together 1,000 years under the relativeness of time. its no different than a real-life couple marrying at 18 and staying together till death 60+ years later.

RE: Marriage in long lived races and demi-humans in fantasy worlds?

#7
I can't help but notice people mentioned succubus, vampires, elves, and amazoness' first...does that mean a lot of people are interested in those right now too?

Vampires would probably have a family system totally different from others right? So would they have no rules about stuff like incest since everything is adoption based? (many story systems portray demons as making a demon of that type to produce offpring through an adoptive method rather than actual conception.)

Would elves be polygamous?

What would an amazoness' village look like?

RE: Marriage in long lived races and demi-humans in fantasy worlds?

#8
In general, it depends on what traits the races has. Let's take the "hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy", where there is a distcinction between immortals. There are those, who are born immortal and can manage it fine. They never get bored of their immortality and know exactly what to do with their time.
Then there are the fellows, who turned immortal. They would more or less dying out of boredom, they just can't.

In general, a long-lived race would somehow get around having a culture which is able to deal with their longevity. If they can live it by living life by its fullest every single day, more or less by staying 'eternal young" instead of 'growing old' there is less chance of a marriage, since they live by carpe diem. Have a partner this day, another another, maybe stick to that one for a century, but then let's change things up.
If you have a species, which more or less just have it all structured and made by logic, the question would be, how marriage is fitting into it. Is there a logical reason for the race to practice marriage at all?
If it's a more human-like mentality, look at humans and how marriage was or was not a matter to different cultures and times.

So I don't think that longevity has much to do with marriage at all.

RE: Marriage in long lived races and demi-humans in fantasy worlds?

#9
@naosu's question -

For me it depends on the world, the races, the rules of the gods, and the the individual cultures.

Things like marriage and polygamy are highly influenced by cultural norms.

So, as far as I'm concerned, it's up to the author to decide how long-lived or immortal races handle marriage.

I don't think it's a stretch to believe that some races might mate for life, while others might not at all.

Then there's the issue of gods. If there's a god/goddess of love/etc. they might decide that people need to do things a certain way. Again, this is one of those things that's up to the author to determine since the power of deities varies by-story.

'fgundam' pid='815634' dateline='1475948240' Wrote: i believe that female only would be the Amazoness as well as succubus race that will hunt for mates in order to prolong their race.

I just want to point out that Incubus/Succubus are typically the same thing - or at least the same race. The term "Succubus" is a relatively new creation. Originally, Incubi were able to shift into a man or a woman based on their prey's desires, in order to feed.

Now, it's more that Incubus are male sex demons and Succubus are the female equivalent.

Not to say that people can't change or alter that (hell, I'm doing that in my own story.) But, Succubae aren't usually a female-only race.
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RE: Marriage in long lived races and demi-humans in fantasy worlds?

#10
There are a few ways I an think of to approach the life-span differences between races :

1. The long lived race remarries when their old lover dies as it's the way the race ensures they can continue on spreading their genes/bloodlines
2. The long lived race shares their lifespan with their lover (either shortening their own to increase their lover's or doing something to outright cripple their ability to outlive the other person (perhaps bonding of their souls for example).
3. The long lived race only mates with one person for life and when that person dies they focus on caring for their children/grandchildren/great-grandchildren until their own death as they see their lost lover in their family.
4. The long lived race chooses to die when their lover does. Either in battle, or quietly through suicide at their lover's side (taking poison for example).

There are likely dozens of ways to ultimately handle this and these are just a few I can think of. Basically I'd approach it from the long lived race's customs and traditions and then apply them to them partnering with a naturally short lived race. Every race has customs for widows and widowers for if their love dies in battle, to disease, in an accident or is murdered. Just take whatever custom you see fits the personality of that race and apply it over to the way they'd approach having a lover with a naturally short lifespan.

And of course depending on how you choose to approach it could influence if the act is a taboo or not (remarriage vs sharing lifespans and shortening your life for example. The first would not have a taboo while the latter might).
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RE: Marriage in long lived races and demi-humans in fantasy worlds?

#11
I think that it'll depend on the culture.

In one of my stories, I have a culture that allows polyandry (a woman to have more than one husband) but in others in that same story, the marriage system is monogamous.

I also portray Yuki-ona in the same story as looking for husbands and any rare males that are born must stay within the clan and marry off to a noble (to keep the bloodline 'purer'.)