Review my fight scene.
#1
Hello, I just wrote a fight scene in my novel. it's actually my first time writing one and I'm not really that good in descriptive writing so i don't know if i did good or a bad. anyway you can read the entire novel if you want to but just remember that I do plan to rewrite the first 8 chapters. anyway here is the link
https://royalroadl.com/fiction/chapter/109114
tnx.
https://royalroadl.com/fiction/chapter/109114
tnx.
Sometimes, the story of a side character is better than the hero.
The hero follows a predetermined route; go on an adventure, get strong, kill the boss.
The side character, however, is unknown. That's why it's interesting.
My Fiction/s: Project Pegasus
The hero follows a predetermined route; go on an adventure, get strong, kill the boss.
The side character, however, is unknown. That's why it's interesting.
My Fiction/s: Project Pegasus
RE: Review my fight scene.
#2
Right, so I think the fight scene fits your story's tone perfectly. It'd be odd to add a bunch of gore and spit in a story like that after all. However, I'd recommend removing the double spaces between paragraphs, fixing some of the random typos and the incorrect dialogue tags (should be: ...like," said X or "Oh no!" He dashed across the room."
Also, you could probably make the fight scene more interesting by describing the effects of the spell in more detail (the fireball scorched the table, leaving a pile of ashes that immediately got blown away by a gust of wind.) but again, that might not fit the tone of your overall story so only do so if you feel like you need to.
Good luck! ^_^
Also, you could probably make the fight scene more interesting by describing the effects of the spell in more detail (the fireball scorched the table, leaving a pile of ashes that immediately got blown away by a gust of wind.) but again, that might not fit the tone of your overall story so only do so if you feel like you need to.
Good luck! ^_^
RE: Review my fight scene.
#3'WhoCares' pid='819656' dateline='1482785212' Wrote: Right, so I think the fight scene fits your story's tone perfectly. It'd be odd to add a bunch of gore and spit in a story like that after all. However, I'd recommend removing the double spaces between paragraphs, fixing some of the random typos and the incorrect dialogue tags (should be: ...like," said X or "Oh no!" He dashed across the room."
Also, you could probably make the fight scene more interesting by describing the effects of the spell in more detail (the fireball scorched the table, leaving a pile of ashes that immediately got blown away by a gust of wind.) but again, that might not fit the tone of your overall story so only do so if you feel like you need to.
Good luck! ^_^
tnx mate.
'WhoCares' pid='819656' dateline='1482785212' Wrote: However, I'd recommend removing the double spaces between paragraphs
anyway I removed the double space before and it became like this
I don't know. I think it looked messier than before.
Sometimes, the story of a side character is better than the hero.
The hero follows a predetermined route; go on an adventure, get strong, kill the boss.
The side character, however, is unknown. That's why it's interesting.
My Fiction/s: Project Pegasus
The hero follows a predetermined route; go on an adventure, get strong, kill the boss.
The side character, however, is unknown. That's why it's interesting.
My Fiction/s: Project Pegasus
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