Hello,

So I've always wanted to do make my own novel. But I've always been to busy to do so. So I was wondering if someone could review the section below. It's something I whipped up late at night but I don't think it's very good. It's very short so it wont take you long to read!

Thanks! :)

Starts here:

It was a cold winter evening. The forest was covered in a thick sheet of snow, covering the landscape as far as the eye could see. Only a slight breeze could be heard as it whistled pasted the trees. In the distance a deer could be seen foraging for food. In this harsh wintertime it was very difficult to find decent food when options were limited.
 
However this peaceful period of time only lasted momentarily when a snapping sound was heard. Naturally the deer was alerted and took no time in starting its run. A man covered in furs emerged from behind a tree he readied his rifle, took aim and pulled the trigger. *Click*… *Click, Click*… *Click* “Shit, shit, shit! Why the fuck now!” he shouted.
 
He could only watch as the deer got away while he stood there like an idiot with his jammed rifle in his hands.  “Fucking piece of shit!” the man threw his rifle on the ground. “That was the first chance I’ve had to get a decent meal in weeks! What does a man have to do to get a decent meal for once?” After endless cursing he finally managed to calm down. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights himself a cigarette. ‘I suppose I better head back now, it’s getting late and I don’t want to be out here after dark. Another unsuccessful day.’ the man sighed.
 
He walks to his jammed rifle and wraps it round his shoulder.  Curses a few more times and begins his long walk back to his home through the freezing environment.

What POV are you going for?

Third Limited? -then I suggest grounding us within a single POV and staying there (at least till the end of the scene. Right now there are clearly two and possibly many more).
Third Omniscient? -then I guess you're doing okay~? (I don't know much about the omniscient POV)

Either way, I'd still suggest being clear as to who heard or saw these things (things that 'could be heard' and 'could be seen' is unimportant/irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. If a POV character heard/saw them, however... then I'd pay a little more attention :D


Extras --- (if it's snowy and cold, the man doesn't much have issues with it ;)
•(He tossed his rifle on the ground rather than on the snow?)
•(He can light a cigarette without trouble, no cold hands? cold face? -slight breezes could put out a light...maybe?)
•(Wraps his rifle around his shoulder rather than a winter jacket?)

(Oh, and obviously he doesn't hunt much. His gun safety scares me.)

That was very useful. I now have a few more ideas to add depth for this and future writing. As for POV. I normally just go First, but I felt I'd switch it up with omni but I have no idea if I was successful or not (I may just rewrite it in first). Also His gun safety thing was actually intentional but I will make that more clear.

I will change it and add to it when I have the time again.

Thanks alot!