Who can review my story The Silver Sabertooth? and see how is it in gore and violence  I making there? I already wrote a gore scene in chapter 3 and chapter 4 will be with full of epic but gore so I want your thought about it and review it and the main story itself so far (I will add later the chapter 4)
here is the Link

Hey mate.

I'm taking a look at your entire story. Here is something to look into if you feel like it:

The first chapter is pretty much only exposition. It's not interesting and it kills my mood to keep reading. 
I want to know what is going on, see it, read it, feel it. Not read how someone tells me. 
It is literally: Fist X, then Y, then Z, then X did A and B did G. Enagagement is key and this doesnt interest or hook me at all. 

So: instead of being the tale-teller show us a scene of what you describe. 

It continues in the same way. 
It's nice to have a tale to tell, nice to have a story in your head. But you need to show us what's happening, not tell us. You take the position of the person who tells us. Even addressing you reader. That seems fine, but it reminds me I am readin a story, not really experiencing it. So, take a good look at the POV that you write and how you can make it come to life in the world.

In addition: Take a tense and stick to it. You wave back and forth which is kind of annoying for me. Also, you miss a lot of words, use the wrong ones and keep repeating: As. 

I suggest you keep writing, but keep trying to re-read it as a reader, not as the author.

I didn't get to the gore, sorry

'LethalDogFart' pid='821349' dateline='1486639690' Wrote: Hey mate.

I'm taking a look at your entire story. Here is something to look into if you feel like it:

The first chapter is pretty much only exposition. It's not interesting and it kills my mood to keep reading. 
I want to know what is going on, see it, read it, feel it. Not read how someone tells me. 
It is literally: Fist X, then Y, then Z, then X did A and B did G. Enagagement is key and this doesnt interest or hook me at all. 

So: instead of being the tale-teller show us a scene of what you describe. 

It continues in the same way. 
It's nice to have a tale to tell, nice to have a story in your head. But you need to show us what's happening, not tell us. You take the position of the person who tells us. Even addressing you reader. That seems fine, but it reminds me I am readin a story, not really experiencing it. So, take a good look at the POV that you write and how you can make it come to life in the world.

In addition: Take a tense and stick to it. You wave back and forth which is kind of annoying for me. Also, you miss a lot of words, use the wrong ones and keep repeating: As. 

I suggest you keep writing, but keep trying to re-read it as a reader, not as the author.

I didn't get to the gore, sorry

Hi, I'm sorry if I answered you so late, thanks for your advises and I promise I will do my best...I make few changes in it if you want to re-check it and review it again then do it ;)

What I'm about to say is basically what LethalDogFart has already told you.

1. Don't break the Fourth wall so many times! The thing about 4th Wall Breaking is that you end up destroying the readers immersion. 4th Wall Breaking should just be used if the reference is good enough to compensate.
2. I could have just used the 1. for this but... DON'T BREAK THE 4TH WALL SO FREQUENTLY! The fun thing about the 4th wall is that it's rarely touched, break it too much and it becomes annoying unless the character doing it is someone who is completely aware that he's inside a story AND is a genre savvy.
3. Don't have exposition for your first Chapter. The First three chapters MUST hook the readers with the First Chapter and have them interest by the Third. The only exposition should be about things that are necessary for the readers to understand the situation, do we need to know about the entire situation of a nation? Unless your character is the Prime Minister or something, then we don't.
4. Show, don't tell. If you just say that MC did something will make the entire thing boring, you need to at least try to explain what he's doing. Things like "He looked startled" could me described as "His eyes went wide by surprise" or the like.