Are there problems with my writing?

#1
So this is my story: https://royalroadl.com/fiction/10925

Among other things I'm taking a break for, I plan to become a stronger writer.

So I want to know what issues are present in my story.
What's wrong or right with my style? 
What should I keep, and what should I fix?
What do you suggest I change?

I'm also particularly worried about the mention of info dumps. I want to work around that, if it's particularly distracting.
MALEFICENCE

If you're going to do it, then you might as well be the best at it.

That's why, everything else is cold comfort. I'll claim this unforgiving world. 

RE: Are there problems with my writing?

#2
As no-1 did anything, I'll just give a short review on Chapter 1.

I came back home and undressed before slipping myself into the pool; it was 5 metres by 5 metres - as far as I see, there is no need to know how big the pool is.. I may end up moving out today, depending on how this session went. If I was going to seriously face off against Arthur, against the King of Kings, then I'd need pieces. One of my most valuable pieces was dead, and the other was comatose, but with their sacrifice they'd bought me a lot of things. One of them was time; I could theoretically remain in this hideout for as long as I wished. Arthur couldn't find me, rather he didn't even know what I looked like. The only time I came face to face with him, I was in disguise. Moreover, I was different now than I was then; I'd readjusted my face again. I'm not sure I can even remember how I originally looked. Not to mention I'm supposed to be dead.

This is almost an infodump and not interesting. You need to hook my attention and need to find a way to make me want to invest more time into your story. You us a lot of inactive voice which makes it kind of dull. You are explaining what will happen, but I do not find any motivation, thrill or perhaps fear from the PoV. In order for me to invest into the story, add emotion to the story. In fact,your first two paragraphs feel as one big info dump. It's better to merge these together into a solid paragraph. 

The sense of tightened muscles faded as soon as I slipped into the pool. The water lukewarm, I swam to the other side in a few strokes and felt the last bits of tension leave my body. I prepared as good as I could. The only thing that lasted was the battle against Arthur, King of Kings. The deciding match that would determine the longevity of my stay. I turned to my back. reminiscing the last battle me and Arthur fought. He outmatched me, bigtime. This time, I intended to crush his pieces and take the crown of his head. But still, doubt clouded my mind as I drifted in the still water. 


 

RE: Are there problems with my writing?

#3
'LethalDogFart' pid='822589' dateline='1490000735' Wrote: As no-1 did anything, I'll just give a short review on Chapter 1.

I came back home and undressed before slipping myself into the pool; it was 5 metres by 5 metres - as far as I see, there is no need to know how big the pool is.. I may end up moving out today, depending on how this session went. If I was going to seriously face off against Arthur, against the King of Kings, then I'd need pieces. One of my most valuable pieces was dead, and the other was comatose, but with their sacrifice they'd bought me a lot of things. One of them was time; I could theoretically remain in this hideout for as long as I wished. Arthur couldn't find me, rather he didn't even know what I looked like. The only time I came face to face with him, I was in disguise. Moreover, I was different now than I was then; I'd readjusted my face again. I'm not sure I can even remember how I originally looked. Not to mention I'm supposed to be dead.

This is almost an infodump and not interesting. You need to hook my attention and need to find a way to make me want to invest more time into your story. You us a lot of inactive voice which makes it kind of dull. You are explaining what will happen, but I do not find any motivation, thrill or perhaps fear from the PoV. In order for me to invest into the story, add emotion to the story. In fact,your first two paragraphs feel as one big info dump. It's better to merge these together into a solid paragraph. 

The sense of tightened muscles faded as soon as I slipped into the pool. The water lukewarm, I swam to the other side in a few strokes and felt the last bits of tension last my body. I prepared as good as I could. The only thing that lasted was the battle against Arthur, King of Kings. The deciding match that would determine the longevity of my stay. I turned to my back and reminiscing the last battle me and Arthur fought. I intended to crush his pieces and take the crown of his head. But still, doubt clouded my mind as I drifted in the still water. 


 

Thank you very much, I love your suggestion.

I'm rewrIting the chapter in May, after my school work. So a lot of things get cut out, and be completely different. Thank you for pointing out my weaknesses though. I'll consider them when rewriting the chapter.
MALEFICENCE

If you're going to do it, then you might as well be the best at it.

That's why, everything else is cold comfort. I'll claim this unforgiving world.