Current Synopsis:

"Current Synopsis" Wrote: Lancelot Amon, is a 26 year old Nigerian. In addition to possible racism, he has to deal with legalised discrimination based on ability; he was a mundane. In a world where a third of the humans had some form of esper ability or the other, he was completely powerless. Mundanes were even lower than second class citizens. But Lance wasn't satisfied with his standing. He was set on acquiring the world and nothing less. Lance was willing to do anything to actualise his ambition, anything at all.

With nothing but his wits and rationality to aid him, he'll challenge this unforgiving world.

Real synopsis:

"Real Synopsis" Wrote: This is the story of a game. 

The board is the World. 

The game is World domination. 

The players are those who move the world. 

Round 1 ended with MC's defeat. 

It's time for round two.

Well I want a synopsis that will sell the story, and hook the reader. I'm doubtful about the last two sentences, as I'm saving the dramatic effect of "It's time for round two for the end of a chapter(1 or 2. First chapter after prologue that MC appears in.)

I want the synopsis to automatically make the reader click on it, even if they would eventually come to dislike it.

Don't give details in a synopsis. You wanna vaguely describe the conflict and the setting of your fiction. Details in a synopsis just bore readers. They want their imaginations to carry them away in about a paragraph of reading with hope and wonder for what your book contains.

Conflict is basically what problem is your protagonist facing

Setting is the world around your protagonist.

Describe them without giving any specific information like the protagonists age. NEVER tell the reader what his conclusions should be (i.e. protagonist facing racism), hint at the conclusion, and make the reader come to the conclusion by themselves.

'DarkD' pid='822567' dateline='1489978142' Wrote: Don't give details in a synopsis.  You wanna vaguely describe the conflict and the setting of your fiction.  Details in a synopsis just bore readers.  They want their imaginations to carry them away in about a paragraph of reading with hope and wonder for what your book contains.  

Conflict is basically what problem is your protagonist facing

Setting is the world around your protagonist.  

Describe them without giving any specific information like the protagonists age.  NEVER tell the reader what his conclusions should be (i.e. protagonist facing racism), hint at the conclusion, and make the reader come to the conclusion by themselves.

What do you suggest I keep from my Real synopsis. 

How do I present the real synopsis?

No, give details, just the important ones. You want to tell your reader where your story is going, not just give them some fluff to read. Spoilers in moderation are okay. They don't retract form the joy of reading your novel. most readers want to know what they're reading before they read it. Some tips on that:

1. Focus on descriptions. "Lancelot Amon, is a 26 year old Nigerian" means nothing to the reader. Who are they? Why are they interesting? What sets them apart? Fit that into a single, short sentence and you have engaged the reader.

2. Focus on only providing detail that either readily engages the reader, or centralises the plot. You have some unnecessary sentences in your current synopsis.

3. Pack as much as you can in as little sentences as possible.


Here's a quick re-write as an example (I haven't changed the Lancelot character because I don't know what he's like):

In a world where a third of the human population possesses esper abilities, discrimination based on these same abilities has been legalised. A 26-year old Nigerian known as Lancelot is one of the unlucky ones in his generation, classified as a 'mundane' and forced to deal with the racism of the espers that surround him. But Lancelot refuses to given in to the hand fate dealt him. He is set on pushing past his limitations and acquiring the world itself, no matter who or what he has to go through to achieve it.

With nothing but his wits and cold rationality to aid him, he'll challenge this unforgiving world.

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822592' dateline='1490006061' Wrote: No, give details, just the important ones. You want to tell your reader where your story is going, not just give them some fluff to read. Spoilers in moderation are okay. They don't retract form the joy of reading your novel. most readers want to know what they're reading before they read it. Some tips on that:

1. Focus on descriptions. "Lancelot Amon, is a 26 year old Nigerian" means nothing to the reader. Who are they? Why are they interesting? What sets them apart? Fit that into a single, short sentence and you have engaged the reader.

2. Focus on only providing detail that either readily engages the reader, or centralises the plot. You have some unnecessary sentences in your current synopsis.

3. Pack as much as you can in as little sentences as possible.


Here's a quick re-write as an example (I haven't changed the Lancelot character because I don't know what he's like):

In a world where a third of the human population possesses esper abilities, discrimination based on these same abilities has been legalised. A 26-year old Nigerian known as Lancelot is one of the unlucky ones in his generation, classified as a 'mundane' and forced to deal with the racism of the espers that surround him. But Lancelot refuses to given in to the hand fate dealt him. He is set on pushing past his limitations and acquiring the world itself, no matter who or what he has to go through to achieve it.

With nothing but his wits and cold rationality to aid him, he'll challenge this unforgiving world.

Thanks. But I'm going to remove the age, especially as I have changed it to 29 for now. 

Im thinking of something like this:

"Several people say life is a game, and mine is certainly no different, save for the fact that I'm playing for stakes a little higher than the rest.

I'm a player. The board is the world, the game is world domination. 

With nothing but my wits and rationality, I'll challenge this unforgving world. 

I am Lancelot Amon, and this is my story. "

What you've written is a hook. It's engaging, but I'd never click on a story that had a synopsis like that. It tells me nothing about what the story is going to be about. What am I going to be reading? That is the first and foremost question you have to answer in a synopsis.

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822598' dateline='1490013512' Wrote: What you've written is a hook. It's engaging, but I'd never click on a story that had a synopsis like that. It tells me nothing about what the story is going to be about. What am I going to be reading? That is the first and foremost question you have to answer in a synopsis.

The story of a player who's playing the game of world domination?

Is that not descriptive enough?

'Dragon God' pid='822599' dateline='1490014885' Wrote:

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822598' dateline='1490013512' Wrote: What you've written is a hook. It's engaging, but I'd never click on a story that had a synopsis like that. It tells me nothing about what the story is going to be about. What am I going to be reading? That is the first and foremost question you have to answer in a synopsis.

The story of a player who's playing the game of world domination?

Is that not descriptive enough?

World domination is a vague term, it's barely more then flavor text. It tells the reader nothing of what they're going to read. All you've given them is a vague idea of what the the MC is going to achieve by the end of the story.

Look, it's okay to write your synopsis like a hook as you have. I'm only offering advice here. You can take it however you want.

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822624' dateline='1490053330' Wrote:

'Dragon God' pid='822599' dateline='1490014885' Wrote:

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822598' dateline='1490013512' Wrote: What you've written is a hook. It's engaging, but I'd never click on a story that had a synopsis like that. It tells me nothing about what the story is going to be about. What am I going to be reading? That is the first and foremost question you have to answer in a synopsis.

The story of a player who's playing the game of world domination?

Is that not descriptive enough?

World domination is a vague term, it's barely more then flavor text. It tells the reader nothing of what they're going to read. All you've given them is a vague idea of what the the MC is going to achieve by the end of the story.

Look, it's okay to write your synopsis like a hook as you have. I'm only offering advice here. You can take it however you want.

How do you suggest I make it more descriptive. A game for world domination is really all my story is.

'Dragon God' pid='822633' dateline='1490078699' Wrote:

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822624' dateline='1490053330' Wrote:

'Dragon God' pid='822599' dateline='1490014885' Wrote:

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822598' dateline='1490013512' Wrote: What you've written is a hook. It's engaging, but I'd never click on a story that had a synopsis like that. It tells me nothing about what the story is going to be about. What am I going to be reading? That is the first and foremost question you have to answer in a synopsis.

The story of a player who's playing the game of world domination?

Is that not descriptive enough?

World domination is a vague term, it's barely more then flavor text. It tells the reader nothing of what they're going to read. All you've given them is a vague idea of what the the MC is going to achieve by the end of the story.

Look, it's okay to write your synopsis like a hook as you have. I'm only offering advice here. You can take it however you want.

How do you suggest I make it more descriptive. A game for world domination is really all my story is.

What is the story going to be about. What will the mc be doing? What will he be facing? World domination is an end goal, not the story itself.

As I said though, it's okay to just have your synopsis as a hook. You're writing this for fun right? Then ignore me. I'm only giving advice. Don't let it take away from your fun.

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822637' dateline='1490093523' Wrote:

'Dragon God' pid='822633' dateline='1490078699' Wrote:

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822624' dateline='1490053330' Wrote:

'Dragon God' pid='822599' dateline='1490014885' Wrote:

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822598' dateline='1490013512' Wrote: What you've written is a hook. It's engaging, but I'd never click on a story that had a synopsis like that. It tells me nothing about what the story is going to be about. What am I going to be reading? That is the first and foremost question you have to answer in a synopsis.

The story of a player who's playing the game of world domination?

Is that not descriptive enough?

World domination is a vague term, it's barely more then flavor text. It tells the reader nothing of what they're going to read. All you've given them is a vague idea of what the the MC is going to achieve by the end of the story.

Look, it's okay to write your synopsis like a hook as you have. I'm only offering advice here. You can take it however you want.

How do you suggest I make it more descriptive. A game for world domination is really all my story is.

What is the story going to be about. What will the mc be doing? What will he be facing? World domination is an end goal, not the story itself.

As I said though, it's okay to just have your synopsis as a hook. You're writing this for fun right? Then ignore me. I'm only giving advice. Don't let it take away from your fun.

It's going to be a battle of wits between supersmart guys in a battle for world domination. 

I want this to be the best story it can be. It's going to be my debut as a writer after all.

Alright, so the MC will be facing other people/groups of people in a battle of wits. What kind of battle of wits? How exactly are they battling against each other?

The other thing to answer is what will the MC be doing. Will he be building up an empire? Going it alone? What will he be learning, how to create technology? Or does he gain a power? etc.

Telling the reader those two things in the synopsis lets them know what they'll be reading going in. This is important because most readers have a general grasp on what they like and what they don't. Some readers will read anything for the heck of it, but most will avoid anything 'unknown' or what they deem isn't their type of story. So if you don't show them your type of story, most readers simply won't bite.

And just a few words of advice, don't get caught up in making it the best story possible. Make it the best story possible for you, but don't beat yourself up if it isn't perfect. We all learn from experience, and past mistakes should be looked at as a step towards being better. As long as you enjoyed writing it, you've achieved success.

Writers are driven only by themselves and the words they receive. The words will fluctuate between positive and negative, but you can't. You have to be the base that believes in themselves, and writes regardless.

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822656' dateline='1490175212' Wrote: Alright, so the MC will be facing other people/groups of people in a battle of wits. What kind of battle of wits? How exactly are they battling against each other?

The other thing to answer is what will the MC be doing. Will he be building up an empire? Going it alone? What will he be learning, how to create technology? Or does he gain a power? etc.

Telling the reader those two things in the synopsis lets them know what they'll be reading going in. This is important because most readers have a general grasp on what they like and what they don't. Some readers will read anything for the heck of it, but most will avoid anything 'unknown' or what they deem isn't their type of story. So if you don't show them your type of story, most readers simply won't bite.

And just a few words of advice, don't get caught up in making it the best story possible. Make it the best story possible for you, but don't beat yourself up if it isn't perfect. We all learn from experience, and past mistakes should be looked at as a step towards being better. As long as you enjoyed writing it, you've achieved success.

Writers are driven only by themselves and the words they receive. The words will fluctuate between positive and negative, but you can't. You have to be the base that believes in themselves, and writes regardless.

Thanks for the advice.

My story will feature Politics (particularly Realpolitik): alliances, power broking, backroom deals, scheming, machinations, and the fullest applications of soft power.

My story will feature War; in its hideous, most gruesome, primal form. Hard power will have its full apllication.

My story will feature information manipulation, intelligence warfare, and social/group psychology. What will happen if a large amount of the tweeters were all working for a single organisation. Trying to manipulate public sentiment.

My story will feature the rise and fall of nations, the building of Empires.

My story will feature all that will take place in a battle for World Domination.


MC wouldn't be a combatant, his only weapon is his brain. How would you suggest I organically include the above info into the synopsis?

Lancelot Amon has a simple ambition: to rule the world.

The young African confronts not just racism in his ordinary life but also the prejudice that comes from being a mundane in a world that's one-third espers. When he [engages in the actual activity that the story's about], though, all that falls away. The real battle for control of the planet is taking place in shadowy backrooms and dark corners of the infoweb. There, Lancelot's keen wit makes him anybody's equal.

Lancelot has found a way into the greatest game on earth--and he's playing to win.

'David Penchyk' pid='822694' dateline='1490311389' Wrote: Lancelot Amon has a simple ambition: to rule the world.

The young African confronts not just racism in his ordinary life but also the prejudice that comes from being a mundane in a world that's one-third espers. When he [engages in the actual activity that the story's about], though, all that falls away. The real battle for control of the planet is taking place in shadowy backrooms and dark corners of the infoweb. There, Lancelot's keen wit makes him anybody's equal.

Lancelot has found a way into the greatest game on earth--and he's playing to win.

I can only replace [engages in real activity the story is about] with playing the game. 

I do not know a single phrase, that captures everything I described will be included in my story.

I'll edit a few things (I'm deciding to scrap racism for now, as I'm not sure I can pull it off without cheapening my villains: something I want to avoid), but it's nice overall. Thanks for the suggestion.

Okay then, what your story is about is power play in an archaic world. So your character isn't ruling by strength, but by wit - and he has to maintain his own empire while striking out against others in order to grow. He's like any kingdom of the feudal area that sought to gain more then what they were born with. That's really interested, and something you really want to put in the synopsis. Think of ways that you can include it.

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822726' dateline='1490400200' Wrote: Okay then, what your story is about is power play in an archaic world. So your character isn't ruling by strength, but by wit - and he has to maintain his own empire while striking out against others in order to grow. He's like any kingdom of the feudal area that sought to gain more then what they were born with. That's really interested, and something you really want to put in the synopsis. Think of ways that you can include it.

It's not an archaic world though. 

The events in the prologue take place in 2020, and the main storyline begins 4-6 years after the prologue.

The existing countries, have been destroyed in World War III (which was started and choreographed by the MC). 

A large portion of the story will feature World War IV. The maps will once again get redrawn. Existing Empires will rise, some will fall. Some new countries may rise to Empire status. 


It's power play in a near future World, only one with 40% of the population being Espers.

You'll be surprised about the war the MC fights is all I'll say.

'Dragon God' pid='822746' dateline='1490445009' Wrote:

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822726' dateline='1490400200' Wrote: Okay then, what your story is about is power play in an archaic world. So your character isn't ruling by strength, but by wit - and he has to maintain his own empire while striking out against others in order to grow. He's like any kingdom of the feudal area that sought to gain more then what they were born with. That's really interested, and something you really want to put in the synopsis. Think of ways that you can include it.

It's not an archaic world though. 

The events in the prologue take place in 2020, and the main storyline begins 4-6 years after the prologue.

The existing countries, have been destroyed in World War III (which was started and choreographed by the MC). 

A large portion of the story will feature World War IV. The maps will once again get redrawn. Existing Empires will rise, some will fall. Some new countries may rise to Empire status. 


It's power play in a near future World, only one with 40% of the population being Espers.

You'll be surprised about the war the MC fights is all I'll say.

Ah, apparently archaic doesn't mean what I thought it did. I really meant your story is in a chaotic world, or more specifically a world that is in constant turmoil. Still, my point stands that this is a great part to include in your synopsis. I would at least let the readers know that the MC will be fighting a war. That completely changes how the story is perceived.

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822768' dateline='1490502747' Wrote:

'Dragon God' pid='822746' dateline='1490445009' Wrote:

'AndrewJVarela' pid='822726' dateline='1490400200' Wrote: Okay then, what your story is about is power play in an archaic world. So your character isn't ruling by strength, but by wit - and he has to maintain his own empire while striking out against others in order to grow. He's like any kingdom of the feudal area that sought to gain more then what they were born with. That's really interested, and something you really want to put in the synopsis. Think of ways that you can include it.

It's not an archaic world though. 

The events in the prologue take place in 2020, and the main storyline begins 4-6 years after the prologue.

The existing countries, have been destroyed in World War III (which was started and choreographed by the MC). 

A large portion of the story will feature World War IV. The maps will once again get redrawn. Existing Empires will rise, some will fall. Some new countries may rise to Empire status. 


It's power play in a near future World, only one with 40% of the population being Espers.

You'll be surprised about the war the MC fights is all I'll say.

Ah, apparently archaic doesn't mean what I thought it did. I really meant your story is in a chaotic world, or more specifically a world that is in constant turmoil. Still, my point stands that this is a great part to include in your synopsis. I would at least let the readers know that the MC will be fighting a war. That completely changes how the story is perceived.

Try suggesting a synopsis. Just one that still has a 'hook'.

The prologue makes it clear the MC started, fought and lost World War III.