Review swaps.

#1
The usual rules. You review my novel, I review yours. Full detailed reviews. Anyone interested please post in this thread :)
Tale of Vjaira - My main work that I am slowly editing and posting on RRL, an amazing adventure already spanning over 100 chapters (well over 1500 pages) with hundreds more to come.

A Child Blessed by The Heavens - My fanfic for the ISSTH contest. Not in the top 5, but got honorable mentions, yay~ Check it out if you are bored!

RE: Review swaps.

#3
With 27 pages of yours I think settling for simple reviews rather than advanced would be a better option. ;) Unles of course you come to like my novel and will end up reading it whole... hehe.

Edit: I'm a bit busy this week, so expect my review to come somewhere in the beggining of next week.
Tale of Vjaira - My main work that I am slowly editing and posting on RRL, an amazing adventure already spanning over 100 chapters (well over 1500 pages) with hundreds more to come.

A Child Blessed by The Heavens - My fanfic for the ISSTH contest. Not in the top 5, but got honorable mentions, yay~ Check it out if you are bored!

RE: Review swaps.

#5
I won't be swapping any reviews for a month of so; I have my second term exams now and am also writing a lot. No time for that.

I took a brief look at your story though; it would be nice if you made use of tables instead of spamming the pop-ups in 20 lines ;)
Tale of Vjaira - My main work that I am slowly editing and posting on RRL, an amazing adventure already spanning over 100 chapters (well over 1500 pages) with hundreds more to come.

A Child Blessed by The Heavens - My fanfic for the ISSTH contest. Not in the top 5, but got honorable mentions, yay~ Check it out if you are bored!

RE: Review swaps.

#9
Not an info dump; I mean what I said. A badly edited text, lol. Don't put words in my mouth ;)
Tale of Vjaira - My main work that I am slowly editing and posting on RRL, an amazing adventure already spanning over 100 chapters (well over 1500 pages) with hundreds more to come.

A Child Blessed by The Heavens - My fanfic for the ISSTH contest. Not in the top 5, but got honorable mentions, yay~ Check it out if you are bored!

RE: Review swaps.

#11
If you don't want to use tables, then I don't have any good advice for stats as I'm not an RPG writer myself. I just said that listing stats in 20 lines of text counts as bad editing in my eyes. Try asking on discord chat of RRl, someone will surely offer a viable advice what you could do with that.
Tale of Vjaira - My main work that I am slowly editing and posting on RRL, an amazing adventure already spanning over 100 chapters (well over 1500 pages) with hundreds more to come.

A Child Blessed by The Heavens - My fanfic for the ISSTH contest. Not in the top 5, but got honorable mentions, yay~ Check it out if you are bored!

RE: Review swaps.

#13
'Bukiyou' pid='826031' dateline='1499609567' Wrote: I need a review, but do I need to read your, oh gosh, 1000+ pages of story? My fiction is only 67 pages long.

Hah, that's not actual; there's actually 1500 pages already xD Also, I looked at a bit of your prologue and I can tell you one thing; go read more well-written or well-translated novels, or just books, because you have a lot of problems with syntax and grammar overall. I can guess english isn't your native language, but I can't handle reading anything that doesn't have at least good enough grammar. For example, let's take a look at the very first paragraph:

Round moon sat in the sky, illuminating the world with its gentle light. Far beneath it was a town. People were feasting at the town’s plaza with music and dances on the background. Most of the residences took part in this rowdy night with their best clothes and make-ups.

Now keep calm; my own grammar was much worse than yours about two years ago. Hell even now when I looked at my first chapter I spotted quite a few mistakes I'd need to fix. If you want me to read your story though you would need find a proofreader or take time and slowly improve your own writing skill.
Tale of Vjaira - My main work that I am slowly editing and posting on RRL, an amazing adventure already spanning over 100 chapters (well over 1500 pages) with hundreds more to come.

A Child Blessed by The Heavens - My fanfic for the ISSTH contest. Not in the top 5, but got honorable mentions, yay~ Check it out if you are bored!

RE: Review swaps.

#14
'Caladbolg' pid='826108' dateline='1499791040' Wrote: Hah, that's not actual; there's actually 1500 pages already xD Also, I looked at a bit of your prologue and I can tell you one thing; go read more well-written or well-translated novels, or just books, because you have a lot of problems with syntax and grammar overall. I can guess english isn't your native language, but I can't handle reading anything that doesn't have at least good enough grammar. For example, let's take a look at the very first paragraph:

Round moon sat in the sky, illuminating the world with its gentle light. Far beneath it was a town. People were feasting at the town’s plaza with music and dances on the background. Most of the residences took part in this rowdy night with their best clothes and make-ups.

Now keep calm; my own grammar was much worse than yours about two years ago. Hell even now when I looked at my first chapter I spotted quite a few mistakes I'd need to fix. If you want me to read your story though you would need find a proofreader or take time and slowly improve your own writing skill.


I see. Grammar has been my problem for a while. So, it's still horrible...

Might look for a PR later, but for now, I will try to improve myself. By the way,

People were feasting at the town’s plaza with music and dances in the background. Most of the residents took part in this rowdy night in their best clothes and make-ups.

am I doing it right?
My fiction: It That Laments
A story about a pitiful man.

Heroes of the Collapsing World (Dead with a half-assed ending)

RE: Review swaps.

#15
First one - I would reword to make it simpler to connect For example: People were feasting and dancing at the town's plaza with music playing in the background.

Second, make-up is uncountable, so 'in their best clothes and with the best make-up.' Personally I would have mentioned that make-up is referring to women and not to all residents, but maybe it's a festival and they all had painted faces? Dunno :D
Tale of Vjaira - My main work that I am slowly editing and posting on RRL, an amazing adventure already spanning over 100 chapters (well over 1500 pages) with hundreds more to come.

A Child Blessed by The Heavens - My fanfic for the ISSTH contest. Not in the top 5, but got honorable mentions, yay~ Check it out if you are bored!

RE: Review swaps.

#16
'Caladbolg' pid='826116' dateline='1499795040' Wrote: First one - I would reword to make it simpler to connect For example: People were feasting and dancing at the town's plaza with music playing in the background.

Second, make-up is uncountable, so 'in their best clothes and with the best make-up.' Personally I would have mentioned that make-up is referring to women and not to all residents, but maybe it's a festival and they all had painted faces? Dunno :D

Thank you for the advice. It helps a lot. :-)
My fiction: It That Laments
A story about a pitiful man.

Heroes of the Collapsing World (Dead with a half-assed ending)