I just started writing something, can you give your rating and some tips maybe?

#1
https://royalroadl.com/fiction/11430

This is the first attempt at a story I've ever written. Still not sure where I'm gonna go with it, but I plan on it being a horror story. What I've written so far is based off a dream I had. Let me know if what i've written kept you entertained :P

And some tips on anything to change would be appreciated!
And sorry if this is the wrong forum for posting this type of thing.

RE: I just started writing something, can you give your rating and some tips maybe?

#4
'David Penchyk' pid='823418' dateline='1492290633' Wrote: You do a very good job of communicating the "voice" of the narrator.

That having been said, have you considered how you would've written the story in third person?

One small piece of technical advice: be aware of what a "comma splice" is and try to avoid them.

Nice first effort!

That's one thing I'll have to figure out how to do. I eventually want to incorporate another character from some other locations and have them meet up with the main character/narrator and then probably turn into a third person story. Thanks!

And @ tanka commented? Not sure how you view comments on stories I'm new to this site.

RE: I just started writing something, can you give your rating and some tips maybe?

#5
Go to my fictions -> Dashboard -> Scroll a bit downward and you will find the latest comments on the right side. (In case of computer, it's a tiny bit different on mobile.) Or, after clicking on the dashboard, there are menu points at the top:
Dashboard - Edit - Chapters - Comments - Reviews - Drafts - Stats - Donations

Obviously... select the comments. XD

RE: I just started writing something, can you give your rating and some tips maybe?

#6
I would suggest this being more fitting in other subforums, such as

Reviewing, Discussion & Tips
or
Discussions & Writing Tips

On a more generalized note, having only about 1.7k words make for not enough to gauge the skill or the writing of an author in my mind, barring exceptional mistakes.

Also, there seems to be a missing swath of text on my side.
Quote:The first thing I notice as I walked in is my asshole friend Alex sitting at the bar drinking a pitcher of Honey Lager to himself laughing all the while. I walked over and gave him a playful punch in the arm, enough that he felt it. Thanks for going in without me I said sarcastically. Alex laughed and said sorry Mom!

e alone in what was once my fathers house, a old house with one floor. A two car garage connecting to the house. two bedrooms, one kitchen, one bathroom and a basement. When I'm not wasting my money on new parts for the charger, I'm spending it on guitars and amplifiers. Even I admit I don't need that new shiny guitar, but I can't help myself, and hell I enjoy doing it so it's not completely a waste. I had just purchased a 'Les Paul Tribute' Electric Guitar and a JCM 800 Head and Cab a few days ago, which the neighbours now know I own as well.

RE: I just started writing something, can you give your rating and some tips maybe?

#7
'Necamijat' pid='823425' dateline='1492354426' Wrote: I would suggest this being more fitting in other subforums, such as

Reviewing, Discussion & Tips
or
Discussions & Writing Tips

On a more generalized note, having only about 1.7k words make for not enough to gauge the skill or the writing of an author in my mind, barring exceptional mistakes.

Also, there seems to be a missing swath of text on my side.
Quote:The first thing I notice as I walked in is my asshole friend Alex sitting at the bar drinking a pitcher of Honey Lager to himself laughing all the while. I walked over and gave him a playful punch in the arm, enough that he felt it. Thanks for going in without me I said sarcastically. Alex laughed and said sorry Mom!

e alone in what was once my fathers house, a old house with one floor. A two car garage connecting to the house. two bedrooms, one kitchen, one bathroom and a basement. When I'm not wasting my money on new parts for the charger, I'm spending it on guitars and amplifiers. Even I admit I don't need that new shiny guitar, but I can't help myself, and hell I enjoy doing it so it's not completely a waste. I had just purchased a 'Les Paul Tribute' Electric Guitar and a JCM 800 Head and Cab a few days ago, which the neighbors now know I own as well.

Yeah I took into mind what someone commented, so all that text after the character running into Alex at the bar I just moved it to the end, I will probably either rewrite that in a shorter bit, or just remove it alltogether just didn't have time yesterday and didn't want to lose it. Thanks.