I'm almost entering the First arc 1 of my story but before that... i want peoples thoughts about it. What was good and what was bad or sheet in terms of story, characters, etc.. so it can give me some inspirations to improve and to write! I'm happy to reviews others as well in return.

My story is about four chapters each have like 1k words (?)

Here the link!
https://royalroadl.com/fiction/9509
thanks again~.

Hi, I'm also looking for someone to review my story to improve myself. If you don't mind, why don't we review swap? You can find my story below with the title 'It that Laments.'

Should I read from the oneshot or prolog remake?

'Bukiyou' pid='826059' dateline='1499685624' Wrote: Hi, I'm also looking for someone to review my story to improve myself. If you don't mind, why don't we review swap? You can find my story below with the title 'It that Laments.'

Should I read from the oneshot or prolog remake?

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Yeah sure, i read yours probably the whole four chapters tonights.
And read the prolog remake cuz it contains chapter one too.

'Venom 1309' pid='826074' dateline='1499726977' Wrote: Yeah sure, i read yours probably the whole four chapters tonights.
And read the prolog remake cuz it contains chapter one too.

Got It. I will start reading your story after I'm done reviewing another story.

'Bukiyou' pid='826083' dateline='1499755269' Wrote:

'Venom 1309' pid='826074' dateline='1499726977' Wrote: Yeah sure, i read yours probably the whole four chapters tonights.
And read the prolog remake cuz it contains chapter one too.

Got It. I will start reading your story after I'm done reviewing another story.

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Okay, i already read your story and to be honest with you... the pacing of your story is really slow. Like there's nothing happening until chapter 3 and that where things pick up.
Your writing style is simple and easy to follow, i wasn't confused on what's happening each scene.
As for the characters, they need some more personality in my opinion ( Although Elyn is pretty lovely).
Although Your writing style is simple and easy to follow but the narrative is quite confusing like i don't know what it tries to achieve ( But that just me)
But about the slow pace of your story don't let it worry you, readers will usually give you some time to pick up the pace.
Overall I like the premise though and with a few more chapters, it probably changes my opinion! I'm looking forward to your review :D

Ps. I haven't read Heroes of the collapsing yet, i start reading it tomorrow

Can you put the review on my story page? It will help a lot.

Well, I planted the basic world settings on early chapters. As for the personality, I plan to develop them as the story goes, except Elyn because I went all out on her. Don't ask why. And, friendly advice, don't read my previous story. It went hiatus for a reason.


Just finished reviewing another story, I'm going to read you story now. Expect the review late today or tomorrow noon.

'Bukiyou' pid='826095' dateline='1499779032' Wrote: Can you put the review on my story page? It will help a lot.

Well, I planted the basic world settings on early chapters. As for the personality, I plan to develop them as the story goes, except Elyn because I went all out on her. Don't ask why. And, friendly advice, don't read my previous story. It went hiatus for a reason.


Just finished reviewing another story, I'm going to read you story now. Expect the review late today or tomorrow noon.

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I see i do it right away.

'Bukiyou' pid='826095' dateline='1499779032' Wrote: Can you put the review on my story page? It will help a lot.

Well, I planted the basic world settings on early chapters. As for the personality, I plan to develop them as the story goes, except Elyn because I went all out on her. Don't ask why. And, friendly advice, don't read my previous story. It went hiatus for a reason.


Just finished reviewing another story, I'm going to read you the story now. Expect the review late today or tomorrow noon.

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Thanks again for the feedback! It really helps me to imrpove or noticing my mistakes. :D

'Venom 1309' pid='826124' dateline='1499814095' Wrote: Thanks again for the feedback! It really helps me to imrpove or noticing my mistakes. :D

Glad if it helped.