Need A review

#1
Hi there, how are you today? I'm newbie and I tried to improve my writing skill. But, because not many people read my work so I can't tell if I improve my writing skill or not.

If you guys have time, please visit my novel and tell me if I need some improvement to make my novel more enjoyable to read.

https://royalroadl.com/fiction/13060/another-world-priest

Though, it's just me, but, I was wondering. Is it the cause not many people read my novel is because the story is boring? Well, on my novel, I haven't used MC with instant Over Power skill as soon he transported to another world.

My MC is kind of MC that get stronger by times.

If you do visit my novel, please leave a comment about my story, so i can reflect on that to improve my writing skill.

PS : Please go easy on mine. I'm newbie and not a native American speaks. :)

RE: Need A review

#2
'Tanaka Tomoyuki' pid='826764' dateline='1501777751' Wrote: I think you first need to brush up in your synopsis. As it is, right now there is no hook, nothing that makes it stands out from the other stories. Why should we read it? It sounds like you're rambling on and on.

I also think you misspelled "prophecy." The h is after the second p, not the first.

Other than that, your synopsis just screams cliched. Oh, a prophecy about a great calamity, and the hero who will save it. And the hero is brought to another world by a pair of angels. And this world is a world about swords and magic!

So why should we read it? What's so interesting about your story that sets it apart from other stories with prophecies, hero from another world, swords and magic? You need that "unique" or appealing factor, something to hook in the readers' attention. Otherwise, why would we bother reading it?

And the first part about the elf meditating in an elf kingdom, with the white dome blah blah, just sounds like you rambling. That shouldn't be part of the synopsis, at least not in my opinion. Already the first line doesn't give a good impression. You might want to think of ways to make your story more interesting and appealing.

Thanks for commenting and I think its rather harsh comeback. But, putting that aside, what you said are true. After I read all your comebacks, I now realize just how bad are my synopsis is, no wonder not many people read it hahahaha.

Someone replays to my post and suggest this synopsis. What do you think?

"Musa is an ordinary man living on earth. But something unexpected happened after he sleeps and guess what? He awakes on another world!

Being unfamiliar on another world is a bit difficult but, surprisingly, he got some amazing powers and great knowledge from the most unexpected things like... Animes and Mangas!

This is the story of a man who, from being an ordinary man, is now well-known throughout many places as [Priest] or [Divine Hero]."