Hello not very experianced this is my 2nd story and I would like some thoughts on it it's called Future Magic. My idea is to somehow implement science with magic and mana which will spur the development of magic. Some idea on how to do that would be great. I am willing to change my system a bit or add to it if nesesary. Please PM me or post on here. 
I have another story Dragon Cheat which was well like before and posted another chapter today. Not sure it would still be well liked with the new changes to the stories? Would love some critisism on it. http://royalroadl.com/fiction/8355/future-magic http://royalroadl.com/fiction/8259/dragon-cheat
Can also compare both my stories and tell me '' you did this in that and you can do the same in the other'' or something similar.

'Domirin' pid='827450' dateline='1503778138' Wrote: Hello there!

I'm always glad to give feedback, but what specifically are you looking for? Do you want constructive criticism? If so, in what regard?

In all regards xD. how to make comunication between characters more natural will be useful

Also I made quite a lot of editing on the 1st 4 so tell me how they compare to the rest.

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/8355/future-magic

'Domirin' pid='827468' dateline='1503858930' Wrote: All right, I read a bit of what you have.

If I had one key criticism it would be that your style, while unique, lacks clarity. It's often difficult to tell what is going on, who is saying what, etc. There's also bits and pieces which read more like a script than a novel, which can be confusing.  For instance, you use asterisks to demonstrate actions rather than simply describing them, and your dialogue is often written out as if they're lines to be spoken by actors. If this is what you want to do, hey, more power to you. I just think you may want to be more clear and forthcoming about that from the very beginning.

That said, you're clearly no stranger to dedication and hard work as I can tell that a *ton* of effort has gone into what you have, especially when it comes to the formatting and world-building. I think you would see a huge benefit to the work you already have done it you were to go through it, read it out loud, and clean it up/make it more consistent.

Thank you! I already edited 1-4 TT.TT but it seems it needs more work. Also small changes. Looks like I need even more to make it clearer to the readers and no the skript thing is not my intention unfortunately. Sorry what is Asterisks Like 'Bang' 'Crunch''Ring Ring~'? Also my style is unique xD it's my style , the way it goes in my head , which is a world of choas then I have to pick at the choas to make something xD Anyway thanks for the advice and review it was helpful since when I read my own work i can't see whats in front of me aparently.