This is like the first time I'm putting anything out really (that isn't art), I've always been a lurker. Anyway, I have a goal of moving myself from a bad writer to a marginally less bad writer. Now, I know the best way to improve is through self and peer assessment on what I put out so far.

I did the self-assessment part. I hate it, but that's fine with me.

All I need now is for some peer-assessment to see what I don't see. Any advice on what I can change and how I can improve my writing so far would be much appreciated. Give it to me as a small review, or a comment, or here even [that'll be convenient] - I don't care. Do what you like, dawg.

Don't be afraid to hurt me. That's how I like it.

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Oh, and while you're at it, feel free to make some plot suggestions too 'cause I'm kind of stuck.

My fiction.

Oh, by the way, I ought to mention that the story may be a bit jarring for some people. Story started as a joke, nd the language of it reflects that fact. I promise, I'm not an asshole (Well, I don't try to be anyway), the MC is.

Cheers