Feedback request for the willing
#1
Heya! Just recently, I managed to complete the first two chapters/entries of my very first attempt at a webnovel. As such, I am eager for feedback so that I can improve my writing before I continue releasing more.
Off the top of my head, I can think of some areas I'd like people to have a look at, though there are surely more I can't hope to come up with on my own:
- Jin's description. Is it too long? It ended up that way because the design I had for the character has a lot of details.
- Dialogue readability. I structured my dialogue in a way so that there should be a way to determine who's speaking through context clues, but I have no idea if it works.
- 'm' and 'km' consistency. It's a bit of a personal preference for me to see meters as an abbreviation, but it's probably a little off-putting to see meters being abbreviated, yet have kilometers being written out later on. If I should keep to abbreviations or written out for all measurements, which would you prefer?
https://royalroadl.com/fiction/14068/the-fundamentals
Off the top of my head, I can think of some areas I'd like people to have a look at, though there are surely more I can't hope to come up with on my own:
- Jin's description. Is it too long? It ended up that way because the design I had for the character has a lot of details.
- Dialogue readability. I structured my dialogue in a way so that there should be a way to determine who's speaking through context clues, but I have no idea if it works.
- 'm' and 'km' consistency. It's a bit of a personal preference for me to see meters as an abbreviation, but it's probably a little off-putting to see meters being abbreviated, yet have kilometers being written out later on. If I should keep to abbreviations or written out for all measurements, which would you prefer?
https://royalroadl.com/fiction/14068/the-fundamentals
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RE: Feedback request for the willing
#2
Howdy there. As far as your descriptions go, a little goes a long ways. Yours is by no means horrible, however are dumping a lot of descriptions on your readers I the first chapter when you should really be focusing on a solid hook that keeps them interest. I find it's easy to start with the most notable simple details first and find places to slip in refinement here and there while also letting readers to form their own image.
Your dialogue flows just fine for me I had trouble following it. And I'll commend you on that.
As far as abbreviations go i think the most excepted method would be to write it out the first use and have a parenthesis aside with the abbreviation. Then you can abbreviate from then on. Works on everything really.
I would also add that your characters seems a little outrageous at first. There was no suspicion casted at a random masked stranger. The masked man didn't react in what I would consider a normal way if a portal just popped up i his face. If these kind of things are a normal occurrence in your fantasy world then it needs some kinda wind up to prepare readers for the oddity. If you can understand where I'm coming from with that.
That's all I have to add for now. I'll read deeper into your story as I have more time
Good day sir.
Your dialogue flows just fine for me I had trouble following it. And I'll commend you on that.
As far as abbreviations go i think the most excepted method would be to write it out the first use and have a parenthesis aside with the abbreviation. Then you can abbreviate from then on. Works on everything really.
I would also add that your characters seems a little outrageous at first. There was no suspicion casted at a random masked stranger. The masked man didn't react in what I would consider a normal way if a portal just popped up i his face. If these kind of things are a normal occurrence in your fantasy world then it needs some kinda wind up to prepare readers for the oddity. If you can understand where I'm coming from with that.
That's all I have to add for now. I'll read deeper into your story as I have more time
Good day sir.