Hello everyone,

This is my first novel and i wanna do more like these and have everyone enjoy a good story. Please give me feedback and ill do my best to keep up on my work. Please check out my first novel posted on this site: Darkest Ground a lit RPG novel, that has action and horror.

https://royalroadl.com/fiction/17215/darkest-ground-online

Synopsis: The day after of its launch massive amount of players went into a coma and now Eren is alone and must find his brother Allen before something else does. This will be a journey that Eren will have to cut and shoot his way through to survive this nightmare and find out whats cause everyone to go into a coma  

Warning(s): Gore, blood, horror and nudity.

Thank you!

'Manticore200' pid='833681' dateline='1521473363' Wrote: Hello everyone,

This is my first novel and i wanna do more like these and have everyone enjoy a good story. Please give me feedback and ill do my best to keep up on my work. Please check out my first novel posted on this site: Darkest Ground a lit RPG novel, that has action and horror.

https://royalroadl.com/fiction/17215/darkest-ground-online

Synopsis: The day after of its launch massive amount of players went into a coma and now Eren is alone and must find his brother Allen before something else does. This will be a journey that Eren will have to cut and shoot his way through to survive this nightmare and find out whats cause everyone to go into a coma  

Warning(s): Gore, blood, horror and nudity.

Thank you!

Yes i read your story only first chapter and it confusing for me because how does doctor auld know what game the people were in and how why did you go into the game just to check i feel that is very stupid and dumb thing for a doctor to do docotors are supposed to be very smart and he is medical doctor it is not his job to investiage the reason why so many people are in a coma there should be many people more qualified than doctor auld to find out the reason why also you made a few minor errors that can be fixed very easy if you had a editor proofread your paper like they just need to make some correct mistakes like the past tense things.

I think you have a great start but the prologue need to have some plot holes fixed because i dont think it was very smart for the doctor to go into a game just to see if the game was the reason why everyone is in a coma and he also said this is where all the people where but he didnt even recognize the face of anyone of his patient there so how can he know those are the people of the coma?

The docotor auld doesnt make no sense either because it obvious he got information that the videogame make people fall in coma so there is other people that already tested that out so why is he so stupid to do the same thing when other people already did.

The reason why i had the doctor do that was because he cared about his patients. Everybody is different and he's a gamer as well. His curisoty got the best of him thats why he went out of his way to see what he can do. Their are other doctors that go out their way when it doesnt follow hospital procedures to help their patients. The opening explain on how he got the info about the game and more. Plus i didnt want to spoil more because i have more chapters that will talk about the doctor and his connection  its called plot twist. Say for example you child goes into a coma from a vr game and the police and fbi are telling you they working on it and as usual nothing happens you get impatient and you wanna know what happen to your child. That's the personality of the doctor but its also his downfall as well. All i can say is keep reading and more chapters will be out soon and you will see this story and horror grow more.