RE: Please give me some of your opinions in my work :)

#2
'Remoro_ro' pid='833693' dateline='1521558972' Wrote: This story still on going try to read the prologue and give some comments in my work ;) 

Thanks guys !!

It needs work man i just read it all prologue and i see lots of mistake like it dont make no sense where you talk to trainer tanya and she give option of buy sale and watever because it should be sell not sale also it is kind of strange how you no not capital names that are pronoun like Darwin because darwin is a pronoun it is name of a man.

Also where you say opens my mobile phone why do you say that because it do not make no sense who normal person will say opens mobile phone when they take out their phone it just make little sense.

Also you switch a lot between first person and second person, which is very confusing like it break forth wall because you are talking to reader as the character victim.

I think you have a good start though because i know who he is and what happened to him so he appear in the game and because a character of the game he play and was very strong and he look more handsome than before he was in the game i want to see you write more in the future good luck my friend.