PR required

#1
Ok, bear with me....

I need a PR who's able to read this:
http://www.royalroadl.com/fiction/1473

and wince, but them help me fix it. Not run away please........

Probably long term, preferably US west coast time so I can chat.........

Need a PR that can grade as well as possible, and as fast as possible. I mainly have sentence structure issues, I know how to fix them but I can't catch them well.

I'm hoping to release once every 2-3 days on average.

RE: PR required

#2
How about a fair exchange of skills?

You have what I want while I've got skills which you need, so lets make a deal. What do you say we learn form each other. I need someone to see my grammar mistakes which I never can see on my own while helping me boost my imaginary or description. While, you actually need someone to notice your errors in style. Yes, there are noticeable grammar mistakes, but it's the result of your style. So, what do you say? lets learn from each other.  Let my talent help you while yours helps me.

P.S Please PM, if you are interested.
Example

Original
Deep within the Velkan forest stand trees centuries old. They block off the sun, their roots steeped in a frothing mist that boils up from the marshy ground. For the first time in years a light flares beneath their branches, its source a newly made campsite. A sleeping bag and miscellaneous utensils are scattered about, while an old man is feeding logs into the fire.

Edited
Deep within the Velkan forest stood trees centuries old. Blocking off the sun, steeping in a frothy mist, roots swell up from the marshy ground. For the first time in years, a light flares far beneath it's branches, the source a small campsite. Scattered about the site are miscellaneous utensils, surrounding a nearby man.

Reasons: "Boil" is a good term but it ruined the soft mood or tone of the paragraph.  I removed "a newly made campsite" because it was already imply by the first clause of the sentence.  

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