I'd like some general thoughts, I can't find a good PR, and no one seems to comment on my story.

I have gotten feedback from some, EX: sentence structure awkward, a bit too flowery sometimes, etc.

I need to know if I'm doing anything right, and what else I could be doing wrong.

I aim to change plot etc. in next 2 ch's.

Fic Here:
http://www.royalroadl.com/fiction/1473