@Out Of This:
You have major grammatical issues going on, but the fight scene was good. It was one of those duels where stillness is punctuated by blinding speed, and I liked it. So work on your grammar.
@unice : Thanks, that made me scratch my head. I'm glad you like it. Reading back there was lots of embarrassing mistakes, since I kind of dumped everything on the screen and hardly edited anything. That second step always takes twice the effort for me.
12-10-16, 07:51 AM
(This post was last modified: 12-10-16, 09:14 AM by Mr Sir.)
Lightning strikes in the distance, casting my foe in an eerie light. As if the lightning was the signal, he strikes. His blade flashing only for an instant, but the instant was enough. I grunt in pain and the bastard starts to laugh. Holding my now injured side, I back of slowly in order to get some space between us.
He lifts the sword, inspecting it and then smiles sadistically at the blood that now covers it. “Logan, will you ever learn? A slave cannot leave its station. You are trash, will always be trash. When we are done here I will have your sister give me a bath.... it seems fitting does it not? After all, it will be your blood dirtying me.”
Another strike of lighting, another flash of light and I spring forward with anger burning in my heart! Blade lifted high for a hard and crippling blow. My foe steps aside, lifting his blade to easily brush mine aside like a blade of grass caught in a strong wind. His fist strikes my cheek, stunning me for a moment. Ears ringing and the taste of blood in my mouth is all I can perceive for a moment before something hard hits my back.
Opening my eyes reveals the sky above me. How could I be so pathetic, so weak? I want to scream, shout, swear at the world! All my hard work, all of my training…. Will it all be for nothing? If I lose this duel my family will forever be slaves to this tyrant’s. No….for my family, for our freedom I must fight!
I slowly raise myself up, honor and tradition the only thing that kept me alive while I was on the ground. Knowing this wounds my pride, but what good is pride to a dead man? Lightning strikes again followed by the unmistakable rumble of thunder. The heavens stop threatening and finally the rain starts to fall, almost instantly drenching us to the bone.
We circle each other. Like predators sizing each other up. To the side I can see my sister clutching at her clothes in worry. This is it, it is all or nothing.
I fill my lungs with air and bellow at him. “Reilly!”
My tactic works and for an instant he freezes in surprise. Two large steps narrows the distance between us. Our swords clash in a show of sparks. The power of his blow rocking my bones. I push him away and thrust forward, he once again agilely slips to the side, but it’s something I expected!
My elbow connects with his jaw. He quickly recovers and stabs his blade into my thigh. Crying out in pain, I fall to one knee. I can hear him laugh, in his mind he has already won. Sensing more than seeing, I know his blade is raised above his head. My grip tightens on my sword and as a last act of defiance I stab it up and forward….
All is quiet, I look above. His face is unbelieving, dazed and confused as he looks at my sword now stuck in his throat.
Read my fic or..... (¬¦_¦)=/????/’?’? ? ??? ?? ??
Sky Prince- Book 1 Battle for Atlantia
Sentence fragments everywhere. Like this. Periods in inappropriate places. As if they're commas or something. Also commas connecting what should be separate sentences, it's very annoying.
Honestly, yelling someone's name when you're fighting them has a 0% chance of surprising them. Actually, maybe it's a negative chance, since what it does is warn them you're about to attack.
I recommend you read more well-written fight scenes and try to get a feeling for what is and isn't realistic.
11-12-16, 02:31 PM
I'm not sure that I pointed out Reilly was better (I probably didn't) so forgive me for that. Apart from that it should be o.k. Hope you like it!
“Let the duel begin!”
the voice rang out as Logan charged towards Reilly. If he didn’t beat him he wouldn’t get to move on to the next rank. Reilly ducked and swept the ground, to counter Logan parried and jabbed at Reilly. He knocked the sword away and pulled out his dagger.
“What are you going to do with that? Poke me with it?” Logan teased. Anger the enemy, it will make their moves more reckless! Reilly’s benefit in the battle in the battle would be the knight sword, a legendary weapon that seemed unbreakable, with the breastplate impenetrable. Reilly aimed the dagger and threw it with all his strength. Logan had quick reactions so it only grazed him as he pulled out his mystical eye of the eagle bow and fired 10 arrows in one go. The speed was too much to handle and only three missed. The others hit him, but Reilly drank his rare potion, a half elixir, and all his flesh returned. Logan shot more arrows but this time he was ready and dodged the arrows like they were in slow-motion. Logan still had another trump card up his sleeve. He applied explosives to some smoke arrows and shot them. Reilly was lost in the mist almost instantly,
BANG! BANG! BANG!
It came down only to luck that he didn’t get hurt. Meanwhile Logan had been preparing his killing arrow. He drew an arrow from his quiver and pulled it back first he locked on using the eye and it shot an invisible line towards him. Then he was given the option of what glyph he would shoot. First he chose a thunder strike, added some meteor space and gave it an area affect. He let go, the mist suddenly surrounded him and he couldn’t see. It finally cleared off and he saw the body lying there, dead? He had won! Right? The crowd weren’t screaming and shouting applause, instead were shouting and pointing out something as if it was obvious and he quickly turned around to see Reilly drinking an invisibility potion. CRAP! He quick fired arrows but they just wouldn’t land. Reilly first thought that it would be funny if he thought that he had won, and then he made another version of himself again this time drinking an invisibility potion! Ha, Ha! Unfortunately for Reilly Logan had used his eye of the eagle and suddenly knew exactly where he was. He charged at him with his sword as Reilly tried to parry. Enraged by the fact he had played with him like a toy he had grown a new thirst for blood. He pulled out his final weapon, the omegasus wand.
“Meteor shower!” suddenly a large, fiery circle with many incantations glowed and suddenly large streaks of white flashed across the sky as if an artist was changing the colour of the sky and they grew larger and larger until they started heading in their direction and…
Logan had won!
02-04-18, 07:58 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-04-18, 08:23 AM by Atanaxia Evatriae.)
I know that this forum is dead, but I still wanted to go ahead and do it for practice. Still, I may have broken the rules since this has 749 words.
“Sir Reilly, would you do me the honor of having a mock practice?” is what Logan asked, but I already knew he would not take no for an answer, and so I just agreed with a chuckle. “Alright then, dear student of mine. Go fetch our practice swords from the horses.” The joy on his face when he has the opportunity to hone his skills, I just can’t get enough of it!
Once he fetched the wooden longswords and handed one of them to me, we moved to an area with fewer obstructions that would hinder our duel and readied our stances. Although I say stance, I just held the longsword with my right hand, pointing it downwards and tucked away my left hand to my back. He, on the other hand, grasped his sword with both hands in front of him and his back and knees bent a little.
“On one,” I said. “3.” He gripped his sword tight, “2.” clenched his teeth hard, “1.” and charged at me full force. What in the world is this foolhardy charge? I thought as he jumped.
He slashed his sword downward and I quickly spun to my right, using the momentum to strike at his back. “That’s one hit.” I said coldly in an exasperated tone and heard a groan of frustration from him as he regained his bearings. “While I do admit that your speed and strength are top notch, remember that a swordsman could avoid those kinds of strikes if they had half a brain. You may be a bit rusty since you couldn’t do a warmup, but at least try to use some semblance of skill.” He swore under his breath and nodded, a renewed vigor in his eyes.
“Good, now it’s my turn.” I bent my knees a little and took a deep breath. Now, then. Let’s put your reaction time to test. His eyes widen as the ground beneath me cracks and the 5 meters of distance between us turned into 1 in the blink of an eye.
Logan immediately took his stance, hoping to block at least some of my attacks. I smile and stab at his abdomen, but he blocks it and tries to get a slash back in. Unfortunately for him, that wasn’t a lunge meant for just one stab. Just as his blade would hit my right side, it instead makes a sound of striking wood, and I start my flurry of stabs and slashes.
Clearly surprised by the continuous strikes, he tries to block but is struggling. With every impact of my blade hitting his, his face turns grim knowing that he can’t keep blocking forever. And then he smiles. He parries one of my slashes with all of his strength upwards, sending me flying back.
Hoo? I let out a voice of admiration as he tries to take advantage of the opportunity, but using the momentum, I backflipped and kicked his jaw in the middle of it, dazing him. “Expect the unexpected.” I chide at him as he shakes his head and tries to recover. “That’s two hits.” He focuses once more.
Logan tightens his grip, glaring at me through his sword and taking a stance I haven’t seen him do in our previous matches. What’s this? I raise my brow as I scrutinize him, who was just standing. No form or anything, just standing.
I try to figure out what he was doing but before I knew it, he was already in front of me, with the ground he was standing beneath previously cracked and dry. What the- I panicked and immediately tried to block but it seemed like that slash was a furious tiger, an unstoppable onslaught. So I instead dodged and right at the moment his sword hit the ground, I struck the back of his head with the hilt of my sword.
Hitting him, he was immediately knocked out and sprawled on the dirt. If I looked closely, I could even see that foam was coming out of his mouth. Haagh, I overdid it I thought and reminded myself not to panic ever again, since an accident such as this might occur.
Still… I looked at the ground which was struck by his sword. There was a hole 1 meter deep and 5 meters in diameter. The hole was already terrifying, but the mouth of it was even cracked, extending out 10 more meters. Just what in the world was he doing while I wasn’t looking?