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Looking to mentor a few. SciFi/Fantasy

Hey there, so I'm new to the site. But, I'm not new to mentoring or critiquing works. 

A little about me... 

Bio - 

Dawn Chapman has been creating sci fi and fantasy stories for thirty years. Until 2005 when her life and attention turned to scripts, and she started work on The Secret King, a 13 episode Sci Fi TV series, with great passion for this medium.

In 2010, Dawn returned to her first love of prose. She’s been working with coach EJ Runyon who’s encouraged her away from fast paced script writing, to revel in the world of TSK and Letháo as an epic prose space journey.
This year her experience of working with Producers/Directors from the US and AUS has expanded. From Drama, Sci Fi to Action, Dawn’s built a portfolio of writing, consulting and publishing.

I am an indie author, publishing under TSK Productions Ltd, after careful consideration for my team. I do also publish other writers inside my world and looked into using Kindle worlds for this. Because I'm UK, unfortunately, I can't so we opted for contracting on a professional level. 

I do have an IMBD profile and if anyone wishes to ask things, please do. I look forward to being around here, and getting to know people more. 

I've already made myself at home in the chat room. :)

I am willing to use skye, facebook chat, or any other text based contact. Email or google docs.

I am no grammar guru, but I know story. That's what I get paid for in scripting.

If you think you might like some aid, drop me a line, and tell me about your story and what you are needing.

Seeing as you're posting here, I assume that you are doing this out of the goodness of your heart. I'd like to take you up on it.

Here's my fiction as of now, This new world of magic:

It's about planet earth getting invaded by magic at intervals. Fantasy monsters are now roaming all over the world and killing people while everyone doesn't know what the hell is happening. Here, the government is not the single entity of idiocy but more like a struggling beast that was knocked out by something it doesn't know and will take some time to get back on its feet. Hopefully before the other established magical forces arrive.

It has guns running alongside magic. Books like these are what I love but there are very few of them so I wanted to add my own. I lack other works that I could read on so it leaves me the problem of believability, getting the flow right and other things like, grammar.

Seeing your credentials, I would love it if you would take it up on your time to look at my amateur work and tell me what your think about it. Thanks.
[Image: D5S3qwU.png]

Checkout my WF: A Nation of Riflemen, This New World of Magic (its better than the other)
Yes it is, and you're already in SciFan so even better ::) I'll do as much as I can to help.
Hi Kanundra,

You mentioned that you're big into the story of a work, and with your experience with scriptwriting, I'd really like to pick your brain about characters as well. I don't know if you're only looking to just help one person right now, or if you have time for others after, but I would like to get your views on a story I'm working on. That is, if you still have time after helping TheManWithLongReach.

I have a story on RRL that is in the middle of a heavy revision. The Vorrgistadt Saga. I've compiled what was previously written for it into one long post, here. I'm reorganizing it to flow better and adding more key scenes for character depth, into the new revision.

The elements that I would really appreciate your views, opinions, and criticism on are mostly elements of dialogue, how to smooth out exposition in the story through narrative, and details on character dynamics. Anything you can mention will greatly help me with the revision and getting this project to be the best it can be.

If I can mention a few more focused things as a list, I'd really appreciate your input and help concerning...
  • The distinctness of key characters and their dialogue. Making sure that everyone sounds unique and I'm not calling upon too many tropes.
  • Toning down or blending exposition a bit better in the Prologue, and Leiros chapters.
  • I've been accused of writing with a very 'purple' style before. If you can either confirm or deny this, that would help. I am writing in an emotion-heavy, grimdark, Swords & Sorcery style, so there needs to be a bit of purple-ness. If it's too much, please let me know.
  • Motivations and depth to the character of Merithault. In my revisions so far, I'm adding extra scenes focusing on how she gets into the first bit of fiction with the visions and adding depth through her family connections. This being why she is so invested in her bloodline and loses her sanity, eventually. I'm also slowing down her transformation into key scenes as I felt the transformation and ending of the Trailer Fiction was too abrupt. (I wrote it as a short story submission for a contest, so I had a word count limit.)
  • The believability and relatability of Ghelta as a character as well as her dynamics with others (father-figure Ylethus, antagonism with Leiros, and her impetuousness).
  • The relatability of Leiros' character in his given chapter. Are things too obvious? Does he seem too dull? Are the visions too obtuse or too easy to understand? Does his motivations concerning Ghelta or Zerranistra seem plausible for a relatively naive young man itching for a purpose?
  • Are there any points where the action or momentum really starts to lag? I want this to be heavy emotions and heavy character investment, but I also need a sort of subdued Mad Max or 300 level vibe of restrained action in the background along with the soap opera drama, intrigue, and soft-Lovecraftian bits. Any pointers on where to increase the pace or add a bit more \m/ Metal \m/ would be much appreciated.
  • If I dropped enough subtle elements of high magic and hidden technology in the story thus far to satisfy the science-fantasy elements. The main focuses for the background science-fantasy elements being the Preamble, the Trailer Fiction, and Leiros' chapter. It's hard doing a tribalistic story that blends magic and technology, while keeping it in perspective of people who don't understand technology and see magic as otherworldly. Is it too subtle? Is it too obtuse?
  • Anything and everything you find or would look towards fixing/curbing/enhancing.

Oh, and a general sense of the story that I'm going for as similar to The Last Kingdom that was on BBC Two and Netflix, mixed with Marco Polo from Netflix, some Game of Thrones, some Valhalla Rising, some of the latest MacBeth. All with a little bit of the atmosphere and later action scenes (sand, speed, but no cars) from...

[Image: madmax-furyroad-gifs-9-26577.gif]

If you don't have time, or are not interested, no problem and I understand. Any pointers you can give, even a comment would mean the world. Thank you also for being willing to help out other people with your mentorship.

Thank you for your time, help, and patience.
[Image: vorrgibanner.jpg]
"If you like pie, eat pie. If you don't like pie, have cake instead." - Someone Wise
Well what can i say, it's been a week that i'm posting on RR but it seems like not a lof of people are interested in what i write.
Can you please just tell me if i should continue or not ? my story is in my signature
My fiction give it a check  
--->Heroes eyes <---  
                                   I is Mighty
My apologies for butting in Walikour. I know you're asking Kanundra, but I saw your comment and had to pounce.

You should continue. No matter what, you should always continue. Don't let worry or discouragement ever get in your way of finishing a story. Time spent on working on a story and getting it to completion is time well spent (never wasted). Even if you're not happy with it after a few months, or a year, or a decade, you still learned things while working on it. You still finished it. You still built up the perseverance to get through what life, readers, hesitation, and/or your own mind threw your way.

Looking at your story right now, you're not bad off at all. Your story has been up for a little under two weeks. You've already got readers signing on. You've got some reviews going. You're active in the forums which gets you, your story, and your style out there. Your story is good and hits a very unique take on the superhero-style genre. Keep with it. There will be ups, downs, lags, and manic frenzies. Just keep with it. People care what you write. You are the only person who can write the way you do, with the ideas you do.

Anyway, pardon the ramble and unsolicited advice. ^_^
[Image: vorrgibanner.jpg]
"If you like pie, eat pie. If you don't like pie, have cake instead." - Someone Wise
(19-12-16, 06:46 PM)walikour Wrote: Well what can i say, it's been a week that i'm posting on RR but it seems like not a lof of people are interested in what i write.
Can you please just tell me if i should continue or not ? my story is in my signature

The hardest part of writing, is keeping on going. I've seen your work, read most of the main plot and offered assistance with the organisation (scrivener) and more. I think and do believe there's something there, just getting to it. Yes, the grammar etc needs work, it's very easy to get hung up on a story when you can't see or read some things and understand them, but it doesn't mean you can't learn more about it and polish the story to become something people will love. 

I am no grammar guru, it takes me many an attempt to even start getting it ready to put out onto sites like this. And I'm lucky enough to have alfa readers to get through it. 

Keep going ::) take every bit of criticism for what it's worth, think about it, then make a plan.
Hi Kanundra!

I'm still in early phase writing on a new book, LitRPG genre, scifi specifically. I'm looking for test reading/critique as I move along with this, and I'm very open to feedback, negative or positive (based on my last book, I'd say negative honest feedback is probably the most useful to recieve). If you think you can help with that, great, it's much appreciated. If that's not what you're looking to help with, that's totally cool too.

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