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I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#9
(13-09-17, 10:54 PM)Stonecoldsam Wrote: I like what you wrote for Raile, I've been watching this post carefully. I have had a few people say i ought to reword my description although i somewhat like its current simplicity. I'm curious what you can do with it.

Here is the link http://royalroadl.com/fiction/13445/rein...e-a-pirate

Thanks in advance.

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After my untimely cliché death, God welcomes me with open arms. Bored by the monotonous passing of time, God took pity on my soul and gave me another chance at life. A chance to venture out into a brave new world filled with clichés and events around every corner. But is boredom really the only reason God sent me here?
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Like the previous posts, I only read your reviews and first chapter, so I don't know how accurate my attempt is. The last question in my attempt is for luring in readers. I don't know if God really had other intention, but you can change it to something appropriate. I highly suggest you place some sort of question at the end.

Again, this is only my meagre attempt and you can discard or change it as you please. Have a nice day.
Check out my story Colossus' Dream.
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#10
Thanks bud! Good work.
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#11
Does no one else need help?
Check out my story Colossus' Dream.
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#12
Sure, do me. Story link in the signature, first link.
My first fiction, a story about a Demon, a Princess, and how they tried to live happily ever after: The Demon and the Princess

Looking for stat screens and apocalypse? A New Leaf explores the (mis)adventures of Treant as he fights tooth and bark for his life, with a bit of comedy in between.
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#13
Ya, do mine too please! (It needs an upgrade >_>)


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#14
(12-09-17, 11:25 AM)Danetello Wrote: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description. With the goal of making the description more polished and intriguing. If you have an attractive and appropriate description, then more people will want to read your novel. So I'm providing a free opportunity to anyone who wants me to take a crack at their story description. You can look at my attempt and decide if you want to use it, or some parts at least.

Just post on this thread if you would like this service.

can you edit my material post ? ,some people say my post have grammar mistake here (only need to edit my first post comment)
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98657
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#15
(25-09-17, 03:43 AM)royaldarknes Wrote:
(12-09-17, 11:25 AM)Danetello Wrote: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description. With the goal of making the description more polished and intriguing. If you have an attractive and appropriate description, then more people will want to read your novel. So I'm providing a free opportunity to anyone who wants me to take a crack at their story description. You can look at my attempt and decide if you want to use it, or some parts at least.

Just post on this thread if you would like this service.

Can you edit my material post? Some people say my post have grammar mistake here (only need to edit my first post comment)
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98657

The post contained syntax errors, grammar errors, format errors and a lot of inconsistency. It reads like you're rambling thoughts, so I edited everything (Even the examples). Look at my version and the changes that I've made; maybe you can also learn a thing or two. You can recolour and resize it where needed.

Here's the edited version:

(New update at 21/9/2017: Check the comment at page 3, I have copied an author’s rules when it comes to writing novels, for new guys here. It’s neat, and there’s some interesting detail about "Good" and "Evil" on the same page.)

Here’s the packed material for reference, you don't need to follow it 100% though. (btw some of the material here contains information that even experienced writers don’t even know. Check it out. Sometimes I update new material in the other comment down below, so remember to check the comment every now and then) :

If you need a story description, then this guy can help you to improve yours for free:
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.p...#pid827807

Here's the link to another post that has a deeper guide in certain aspect:
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=52998

Here’s one of my post that provides advice on how "not" to write:  
https://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98644

Here’s a post of a website that allows you to quickly colour your illustrator accurately:
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.p...#pid825964

These tools will help you with improving your writing and grammar, to avoid. If it isn’t compatible, then you can check google with keyword "spelling check”, there are other tools or similar website there. I hear the google doc also works, it makes editing easier and helps avoid grammar mistake. It also auto-saves, so there’s no need to worry about forgetting to save your work:

https://www.grammarly.com/

http://www.reverso.net/spell-checker/eng...g-grammar/ (Another website that checks grammar. I heard it works well.)

https://languagetool.org/es/ (I recommend noredink for improving grammar, but be warned though it’s extremely tough and that's coming from someone who speaks and writes in English on a day to day basis. Still, I can guarantee results. I mean just look at how well formatted for this comment is XD. {a Comment from other user})
This website will help you with editing accurately and easily.

http://www.hemingwayapp.com/


If you don’t know how to write correctly or how to use this website, then check these forums:

https://forum.royalroadl.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=2469

https://forum.royalroadl.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1125

https://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=32473 (If you’re a bit lazy, then this is a good guide for you.)

This may help you a bit in coding and make tables for this website:
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=96890

For naming stuff, just search "fantasy name generator", there are other versions like Japan, city or world map name generator too, here’s an example:
http://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/ani...ZK6qlEjGM8

Here’s another good character development manga. It’s an interesting one. It shows how you don't need your teammate to be like you in order to follow you. Like, he follows you because your target is the same as his. (Revenge, to get to some difficult location or some stuff...)
http://kissmanga.com/Manga/Spirit-Migration

When you’re writing dialogue, you should write like this, so it’s clearer to read. It’s also easier to find errors when you are editing, and also helps with character development. (this is for reference, so you don't have to 100% write like that) Example from this novel’s conversations:

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The other tall man with a beard seemed to reach out for something.

“Don’t touch that!” Malsour barked across the room.

The man’s eye met Malsour’s with an annoyed expression.

“We’re not sure if that will destroy everything in a ten-foot radius or plant a forest for ten miles!” Malsour yelled.

“Bob, what the hell is this place?” The man asked.

“Well, it's good of you to ask, Water,” Bob said with a smile as he walked over to Malsour.

Fire looked pale as she crossed her arms protectively over the very visible stomach bump.

“What the hell are all of these things doing in the same place and what is that over there?” She asked, pointing right at the ‘sun’ and mana wells.

“Damned bomb factory in here,” Malsour muttered.

“Malsour Dracul, you will explain what you are doing with such dangerous magic!” Fire demanded just as the door to the lab closed, Dave and Deia walking in.

“Bob! What the hell, dude? This is supposed to be a secret lab! Not a damned tourist attraction!”

“I wanted to show them the stuff we’ve been working on. They’re some of the oldest people after me and they do have a lot of knowledge about magic,” Bob said.

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This is from a novel, it’s extremely well written. This is how most conversation, in English, looks like:
http://royalroadl.com/fiction/8262

I found these two mangas. One’s very interesting and has great character development and the other one has a badass MC that’s quite realistic when it comes to thinking and dealing with the problems. He’s still likeable and isn’t necessarily a jerk:

http://kissmanga.com/Manga/Spirit-Migration

http://kissmanga.com/Manga/Wortenia-Senki (Although I feel that this web novel is better compared to the light novel version. You should still read this because the novel is quite confusing at the start.)

If you have a "power creep" problem then check this video in the post comment, it shows a way to solve it. (Btw, this post also talks about the dungeon problem and how to solve it if you are a dungeon writer.)
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LitRPGGr...884690884/

This novel, not only show you how to implement background building for the main character, it even points all the problem the writer has with cultivation worlds and MC’s in every cultivate novel ever. Read this chapter to learn it. (There’s no need to start reading from the very beginning.):
http://royalroadl.com/fiction/11397/the-...are?page=3

Try googling "The basic rules of storytelling", there are some quick and useful tips there that you can check out.

Btw, have you check these novels? Some of them are very good with can be used for reference:

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/11686/the-simulations (Check my review to know what to expect.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12563/artisan (a Very good one.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/11397/the-dao-of-magic (Just check the top 4 reviews.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12373/have...rous-world (a Good dungeon novel. The author has ended the hiatus status recently, btw.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12103/fayd...ritereboot (The first is version was already good, but the new version is even better.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12519/the-mediator (Has great character development and contains a lot of meaningful lessons, but I think the author has dropped it.)

A question mark is not a sentence. To show that the character is confused, use a tilt of the head, a perplexed look, a flick of the ears or something else. Avoid using question marks. It’s lazy story writing, also don't use "Ehh" and "Ahh" frequently. Think back to all your favourite books (not anime). How often do characters say that? Not often. Another is that you use of "...." instead of using natural pauses through your writing. If you use words like hesitating, pausing, or describing them looking off to the side, or rubbing their head sheepishly, or any other way that can show that a character is not speaking immediately, it’ll improve your storytelling a great deal.

For more details on sword and weapon fighting. (Including guns and what happens when that specific gun and ammo hits armour) Check this youtube video:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3WIohk...oMrrWVZZFA

This game, Absolver, is very detailed when it comes to martial arts. It shows the different moves, strategies and stances that are to be used in different situations and confrontations. Yes, it also includes some real-life martial art like taekwondo:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0dHKGiLWkQ

This one is also useful, have you check it out yet? (human body weapon, this is a realistic fighting technique):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhbtCIQuGv4&t=1281s

For plot twist ideas:

Imagine dedicating yourself to a dream, or hope, or hatred or an ambition, but when you reach your destination. It was all in vain.

Example: She was led into believing that she was a girl that was cursed into being a futanari, but was actually a hermaphrodite, to begin with?

(From this chapter, try it, this novel’s very entertaining and funny. If you read the first dungeon battle part and not the first 2 volume then you’ll see it. There are no dark and tragic elements, except for volume 1.):
https://zirusmusings.com/ldm-ch239/

About character development:
This is actually a lecture, sorta. It’s a must for anyone that likes character development. If u got the time, then please watch this.

If you need a deeper biology or ecosystem for a monster, including how living armour works, then there’s chapter about that. It’s actually some type of shellfish that has an outer shell that looks as if it’s part of the armour there. Then read this manga. It’s very entertaining and detailed. It’s also hilarious and delicious, imagine "Shokugeki no Soma" version monster dish:
"Dungeon Meshi"

Near the end of this chapter, the author makes a semi-auto paint gun rifle and also makes its cartridge like this, so it still works without needing gunpowder. It works with wind runes. (Just skip to the part near the gun/bullet picture to see the explanation. It’s near the bottom of this chapter.):

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/11714/king...-vengeance

https://postimg.org/image/cmncnc1c9/

Here’s the comment for more detail about this gun and ammo. (If you need to make a gun in a fantasy world with some magic elements.):

The metal for the ammo needs to be soft like lead to engage the rifling. Bullets deform when they’re shot, that makes a bit of them sink into the grooves (rifling) of the barrel. If you use iron or something harder it will be worse than a smoothbore weapon because you’ll lose the force of the explosion/wind as it goes around the shot.
The air tanks could be charged ahead of time and then have can have a mechanical release that would give you hundreds of shots, like paintball markers of today.
A weight that gains momentum has more force so the astrilium would make a better smoothbore shot. E=MC*MC
He could have made a wind and a fire rune with maybe something to condense the wind to make an explosion, instant modern day weapons with no cartridge.
Check out my story Colossus' Dream.
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#16
wow,it look very clean and neat here ,thank for the help a lot :3
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