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I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#17
Help me with mine:
https://royalroadl.com/fiction/13461/bet...-and-magic
Thanks in advance.
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#18
I actually paid someone for a book blurb, $5 and while it was better than my original it still didn't feel quite right. Too many big words and it just didn't grab me as much as I'd hope. They also used the word devil when I was keeping it as demon so if you could look at it that would really help. Here it is.

Alexander Kent has many things going for him, but despite all his wonderful qualities, he still finds himself the target of bullies. The harshest of his many critics is the one who worries him the most: his father.

A near-tragic accident renders Alex incapacitated. As he hangs on death’s door, he’s visited by the unlikeliest of beings: a demon. Their unfathomable exchange becomes even more troubling when he’s offered a second chance at life… in exchange for use of his body by the devil himself.

Alex’s deal with the devil leads him into a hidden supernatural world, rife with mystery, danger, and a convoluted web of the worst the underworld has to offer. Now, he has no memory of his ill-fated deal and is desperate to break free of the hold the Demon King and his minions have on him, but escaping their clutches may prove to be more difficult than any battle he’s ever faced.

----It is a modern supernatural fantasy. Alexander Kent and Zeltis are both the MC and while it starts with Zeltis borrowing Alex's body to hunt demons to gather power for his revenge they slowly become partners and then friends. Alex also meets a few others that join them. Alex also starts to discover many hidden mysteries about his origin and later in the story a prophecy that could mean the end of the world as we know it. Or something along those lines.
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#19
For the story 'Between War and Magic'. https://royalroadl.com/fiction/13461/bet...-and-magic.
I Tried to make the description more impactful. I don't know if the story has the great danger vibe that I was going for. Hopefully, my attempt helps.
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In a world of war and magic, death is commonplace. The only people who are safe, are those who can survive. These people wield the power to command and understand magic. Rayen, a small orphan boy of humble origins, has only one goal. The goal to become a great mage. To achieve this, Rayen will adventure around this mysterious and dangerous world. Meeting interesting people and exploring strange places. But this calm cannot last. This world will shake and change. Unprecedented danger approaches and not even the greatest mages are safe. In the middle of this chaotic time, Rayen stands. Will he be able to survive, to become the greatest mage who has ever lived, or will he return to dust, accompanied by all those that he once loved?

(19-09-17, 11:10 PM)Necamijat Wrote: Sure, do me. Story link in the signature, first link.

Sorry, I can't motivate myself to edit the story description for stories that are on Hiatus. It feels meaningless for the purpose that I started this thread. If you ever continue with your story then I would gladly edit your story description.

(20-09-17, 01:30 AM)Chiisutofupuru Wrote: Ya, do mine too please! (It needs an upgrade >_>)



I have the same problem with my previous post. I won't edit stories that are on hiatus. If you ever continue then I would gladly edit your story description. This isn't meant as an insult, I just can't motivate myself.
Check out my story Colossus' Dream.
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#20
For the story 'Yowai - Season 1'. https://royalroadl.com/fiction/14277/yowai-season-1
I Tried to make the description less 'wordy' and make it more enticing for potential readers. Your story is still at its starts so I didn't have much to go on. Here is my attempt.
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One day, before the end of the eleventh grade and the start of vacation, something changes. Yowai goes to sleep, as usual, but his awakening is anything but usual. Awakening at midnight, Yowai inherits strange abilities.

What will he do with this newly acquired power?

Will he rebel, or will he strive to become something more?

Yowai’s journey has just begun, but many difficulties still lie in his way.
Check out my story Colossus' Dream.
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#21
(30-09-17, 08:22 PM)Gaiadarkstar Wrote: I actually paid someone for a book blurb, $5 and while it was better than my original it still didn't feel quite right.  Too many big words and it just didn't grab me as much as I'd hope.  They also used the word devil when I was keeping it as demon so if you could look at it that would really help.  Here it is.

Alexander Kent has many things going for him, but despite all his wonderful qualities, he still finds himself the target of bullies. The harshest of his many critics is the one who worries him the most: his father.

A near-tragic accident renders Alex incapacitated. As he hangs on death’s door, he’s visited by the unlikeliest of beings: a demon. Their unfathomable exchange becomes even more troubling when he’s offered a second chance at life… in exchange for use of his body by the devil himself.

Alex’s deal with the devil leads him into a hidden supernatural world, rife with mystery, danger, and a convoluted web of the worst the underworld has to offer. Now, he has no memory of his ill-fated deal and is desperate to break free of the hold the Demon King and his minions have on him, but escaping their clutches may prove to be more difficult than any battle he’s ever faced.

----It is a modern  supernatural fantasy.  Alexander Kent and Zeltis are both the MC and while it starts with Zeltis borrowing Alex's body to hunt demons to gather power for his revenge they slowly become partners and then friends.  Alex also meets a few others that join them.  Alex also starts to discover many hidden mysteries about his origin and later in the story a prophecy that could mean the end of the world as we know it. Or something along those lines.

I can't find a problem in the current description. If you want me to make changes, then you need to be more detailed in your needs for the description.
Check out my story Colossus' Dream.
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#22
thanks anyway
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#23
I would love it if you could clean mine up a bit :)

    Story Link: https://royalroadl.com/fiction/14432/aloga
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#24
For the story 'Aloga'. https://royalroadl.com/fiction/14432/aloga
I tried to change the description in an attempt to stop it from sounding like it's the summary of a chapter. Most of the details I put in my attempt are pure speculation, so change them if they aren't correct. Still, I suggest you use my version as a framework at least. Your story is still at its starts so I didn't have much to go on. Here is my attempt.
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Confusion shines through Tommy’s deep blue eyes. He’s awoken in a strange new world. Accompanied by five other people, 2 boys and 3 girls, Tommy’s adventure has just begun. Tommy will encounter countless dangers and marvellous people. Follow Tommy as he tries to uncover the mysteries of this giant world, that’s shaped like a disk, and the Top God that transported them here.
Check out my story Colossus' Dream.
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