I've been writing Protectors for a while and so far I've only gotten one review. I need more to get a general direction, and I'll gladly review other works in exchange. Thank you.

Here's the summary:

Quote:Protectors takes place in an alternate history where superheroes have existed since before World War II. As a direct result of various factors such as the existence of magic, mutated humans known as “enhanced”, science experiments gone wrong, discoveries of otherworldly beings, among other things, the world has become a noticeably different place than our own.

In the year 2010, an alien race known as the Splisen invaded Earth. With the Earth’s defenses unable to hold off the extraterrestrial menace, the United Nations formed the Protectors of Earth Initiative. They gathered 40 of the world’s heroes together, and gave them the unlimited backing of the world’s government to fight at the forefront of a war that lasted three years.

Of the original 40, a pantheon of seven heroes whose courage and strength stood about the rest. They were known as The Seven. Together, they launched an attack on the Splisen queen, ultimately proving to be victorious, driving the Splisen away from Earth and back to their homeworld.

From that point forward, the Protectors became a self-funded yet government approved organization open to the public. With membership expanding into the hundreds, the bravest warriors of Earth ushered in a new era known as The Age of Heroes.

But where there are heroes, there are also villains. The supervillains of the world are active, now more than ever, over twenty years after the Splisen War ended. Some would like to make money, some would like to cause anarchy, and some would like to put an end to The Age of Heroes. Our story begins in the year 2035.

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/14321/protectors

I'm game. Do you want a review here or on your fiction page? I prefer fiction page, with any particularly technical critiques here. My fiction:

http://www.royalroadl.com/fiction/7895/handyman

Yeah, sure that works. I'd like it on the fiction page please.

'TheHybrid' pid='829662' dateline='1510355069' Wrote: Yeah, sure that works. I'd like it on the fiction page please.

As we talked about on PM, here's the review. Sorry, I didn't want to be mean, and this why I PM'ed you rather than throw it on the fiction page.

Title: It's The Justice League X The Incredibles X The... Moopets?
Overall Score 3.5
Style Score 3
Story Score 3.5
Grammar Score 3
Character Score 2.5

Right, so as a lover of comics, I really wanted to like this fiction. The problem is that it reads like someone took the transcript of a comic without any of the actual animation to compel the action. It also has a strong "knock off" feel vs well known an beloved comic characters. The impulse to care about the characters, however, isn't transferred with their super powers. Often modern comics can get away without much character development because we culturally understand who that character is already (and already care about them). It is worth pointing out that there are novel super power ideas included in the story, and that the author is playing around with some interesting world building.

The story itself seems borrowed and tired. There are plot holes, but what good comic story doesn't have plot holes? I think that under a rewrite, with more active voice and control on dialog, the same story could be compelling. The historical angle that's promised in the summary and in the first few chapters never really pans out, and that flash backs that are included seem abrupt and forced.

The grammar is in the 70th percentile for RRL, and can be distracting at times. Incorrect word choice, missing punctuation, and plain typos are the most common, but some of the sentence structures are awkward as well (especially in some of the more rambling descriptions). I really like the idea of this fiction, but unfortunately I can't say that I like this fiction.

Alright, I'll keep what you say in mind. I'll check out your story and review it when I'm able. Where would you prefer it to be?

Prefer on the fiction page, with any particularly technical notes here.

Hello TheHybrid

If you still prefer a review on your fiction page, I'll get to it either today or tomorrow.

Here's a link to my fiction: https://royalroadl.com/fiction/15005/mimi-o-saku